What are you saying?

AcroYoga is not a physical practice; it is a communication practice that happens to be physical. -TS Fields

I have to begin with apologies to TS, as there’s a chance that I’ve mangled his words here. But I believe that I’ve captured their essence.  In fact, I know that I have, because I’m living their essence this week. I’m doing some of the most intense acrobatic training that I’ve done in years and everywhere I turn I’m tripping over lessons in communicaton.  Ahh, AFOGs (Another F*ing Opportunith for Growth)…. My lessons this week mostly center around (1) The way I communicate with myself and (2) The way I listen with my body.

We’ve been spending a lot of time on calibrations, flow series that are designed to tune flyer and base to each other, refining the space in between us. As we explore new (and challenging) ways of moving between familiar body shapes there are all sorts of opportunities to learn how to work together. There are also all sorts of opportunities to blame your partner when it doesn’t work. Not that I would ever do that, of course, but I’ve heard that things like that sometimes happen. Riiiight…

Actually, I can honestly say that I’m innocent of that particularly acrobatic sin. 

Because I’ve been condemning both of us for our struggles.

Which, of course, was the only thing creating “struggle.”

My first clue came when during a 1-on-1 sidebar about core activation, my coach Chelsey said, “You’re so hard on yourself that you’ve become your own worst enemy.” Very subtle stuff, I know, but I was able to pick up on the possibility that she was maybe, sort of pointing me towards something worth exploring. So, I started paying conscious attention to my inner dialogue. The results were equal parts illuminating and horrifying:  

During a skills demo: I can’t do that!! How the *#@ do they expect us to do that!?

During handstand practice: Well, here goes nothing…

During a practice round: Come on, come on, just do it already! You should be getting this!

During handstand practice: Crap, that’s scary, gotta’ bail!

During strength training: Thats gonna be too hard, so let’s do this version instead.

Such self talk! And, of course, having recognized the self talk and been horrified by it, I then had the opportunity to compound the sin by condemning myself for the workings of my mind. 

So very tempting… 

So tempting that I did spend a few minutes dangling my feet in that swamp, but I find that I’ve lost my taste for thrashing around in the muck. So, instead I turned my attention to writing new scripts. In the words of Sakyong Mipham, I decided to turn my mind into an ally:

During a skills demo: Ok, I feel super intimidated. *breath* What part of that series am I willing to try?

During handstand practice: What am I learning?  What can I do differently this time? 

During a practice round: *breath* *giggle* no more words. it’s not always genuine at first, but I find that if I’m willing to at least attempt a giggle it goes a long way

During handstand oractice: Crap that’s scary! Gotta bail!! (What can I say, I’m a work in progress)

During strength training: Lets try one rep, just one…

And when I remember to use these new scripts, I am able to pull up out of the bubble of my own mind and tune in to the space between me and my partner. And that’s where the listening comes in. 

I’ve been hearing this particular teaching team talk about the flyer feeling into points of support for years and I thought I understood it, but something clicked on Day 5 and I felt it in my cells. With my mind free from inner dialogue–well, freer from it, I had space to bring my attention to the connection points. And I’m learning that I can have as much intelligence in my shoulders and hips as I do in my hands. I can rest my awareness in them and feel when the hand or foot beneath me is stacked and ready to bear weight. I can also sense when it’s too soon and I must be patient. And I can trust that embodied wisdom. And the more expansive my listening, the more my base is able to find–and transmit–freedom and ease. 

Yup, that’s right, the more fully present I am to what is actually happening, the more skillfully I can participate in it. Why has no one ever thought of this before??

In all seriousness, beyond improving the quality of my acrobatics practice, this feels like deep practice for cultivating awareness of my Inner Voice. A chance to dive deeper into that particular quality of internal listening and manner of placing your focus even as you remain responsive to what’s happening around you–or, in this case, under you. And a big part of that practice is noticing when I’ve slipped into the old, unconstructive mental groove, forgiving myself for it, and choosing the new scripts that support expanding awareness. Again. And again. And again. 

So, I ask you, where does your Wisdom reside? And how will you turn your mind into an ally for the exploration?