SCENE: daytime, exterior, gas station. A woman stands at the pump, squinting as another woman draws abreast of her in a car…
Driver (rolling down window): Excuse me, Ma’am
Woman (cautiously): Yes…?
Driver: Can you tell me how to get to the King Center from here?
Woman (visibly unbending): Oh, sure! You’ll just take a right turn onto this road and follow it for about 2 miles. This road will take you right to it.
Driver: Oh, okay, thank you. You see, I had looked it up before I left home, but I got turned around.
Woman (reassuringly): You’re super close, just straight up this road. You can’t miss it!
Driver: Thank goodness, because I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to find it
Woman: Well, you’re good now. Just one turn, a few minutes of going straight, and you’ll be there
Driver: Oh, that’s good; I don’t know what happened with the directions that I had…
Woman (firmly): It’s super simple, you’ll be fine
This is a just-about verbatim transcript of a conversation that I recently had at the gas station. I went from being cautious at the approach of a strange car to relieved that I could be helpful to puzzled and vaguely frustrated by the way the conversation unfolded. Well after I had offered her simple, clear directions, she persisted in explaining why she had needed directions in the first place and rehashing the experience of getting turned around. It was fascinating! She asked. I answered. She dithered. I answered again. She justified. Back and forth, and on and on–at least, it started to feel like forever to me. I eventually felt my frustration rise, at which point I brought the conversation to a close, having offered her all that I could.
At first I was simply grateful to have escaped her.
Then, I’ll admit, I flirted with being a little bit judgy: why would she ask me for directions and then be so determined not to take them? What was that about?!
And then I started wondering, no really, what was that about…
Abraham has a name for what this woman was doing: they call it arguing for your resistance. This was a relatively mild case, but it fits the bill. This woman–as I experienced her–was so immersed in the experience of being lost that although she had asked for guidance, she didn’t seem able to receive it when it came. So caught in the vibration lost-ness, she didn’t seem to register that she was now, well, found. As the person responding to her request for directions, I found myself frustrated by the fact that she stayed in that same gear
…and asking where I might be doing the same. Because we all do it. It’s easier to recognize in others:
The crying child who continues to wail long after Mom has conceded and proffered a cookie
The frustrated colleague whose hackles stay raised well after the issue has been resolved
The angry guy who remains red-faced and clench-fisted long after the threat has passed
The baleful friend who remains unhappily employed even after being offered new work that’s a perfect fit for their skills
but we all do it. We have all been guilty of becoming so attached to our vision of the Problem that we can’t see the Solution staring us in the face.
So, for me, this encounter was a reminder to practice what Abraham calls Allowing. It reminded me how important it is to be on the lookout for solutions and then be willing to relax into them when they present themselves. Because they’re gonna come, that’s a guarantee. And rather than retelling the story of the problem or justifying our need for support, we’d do much better to be preparing for the resolution. And then to accept it when it comes.
Abraham also says,
Words do not teach at all. It is life experience that brings you your knowing. But when you hear words that are a vibrational match to the knowing that you have accumulated, then sometimes it’s easier for you to sort it all out.
Translation: that very nice woman at the gas station can give you directions until she’s blue in the face, but you won’t hear them until you’re ready to. I don’t know about you, but I want to hold myself in the energy of the knowing that I have accumulated. I want to make it easier for myself to sort things out. I want to be moving forward into the unknown with enthusiasm and excitement for what’s to come. Guidance, support, help, they’ll all show up along the way, my only real work is to be open to them when they do. The path out of the situation may be as simple as: turn right and go straight for two miles. If it is, great! Or there may be a few more steps involved. In which case, also great! Either way, our only option for moving forward is to stop telling ourselves and everyone around us that we’re lost and start following the directions.
So, I ask you, how will you ask for directions today? And what will you do to align yourself with the answer when it comes?
Fierce Whisper 